Friday 23 August 2013

Messages

We encounter a number of comments as we flow through our days. Sometimes we receive positive feedback and sometimes it is a negative message. Our typical response is to discard the positive and cling to the negative. The positive message was simply someone being nice and the negative is a sign that we must confront and deal with is what we perceive. We can't control the words that people share with us but we can control how we respond to them. What we do not realize is it took a lot for the person to give us a positive message. They could have said nothing, but they dove deep inside their kindness and let it flow out to us. What a gift! We have earned this comment just by being ourselves and we should embrace the vibe shared with us and know that we are special. Negative feedback is a little more complicated. Do we understand where the motive for this message came from? Are their feelings of inadequacy in the other person? Did they mean to cause harm? We don't have to completely discard this negative note, it may give us a valuable learning experience and even negative notes play a role in the song of our lives. How do you deal with negative notes?

8 comments:

  1. i think you are right in that as a whole we tend to hold onto the negative rather than positive comments. why is that? i wish i knew! but i know personally i am going through a transition where i am wholeheartedly focusing my attention on the positive while still trying to learn and grow from the negative. it's not easy, but the thing i yearn for most is a well mind and for some reason i think this is where it starts. recognizing the two emotions and allowing them to flow without letting them disrupt the inner peace we are trying to achieve. gosh was that a mouthful :)

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    1. Congratulations on working towards a healthy mind. It is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves.

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  2. "We can't control the words that people share with us but we can control how we respond to them" - This line is so so true Vanessa. We DO have a choice on how we respond to negative comments. We can either dwell on them (which many people do) or we can put them in their proper perspective.

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    1. Perspective is so powerful. It shifts our view of reality into a place we feel we cannot control. But thoughts can be manipulated. Negatively, or positively, we must choose what we will allow into our mind and often different emoitoins will follow.

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  3. First, I consider the source. If the person is being toxic, or they are an emotional bully, I don't take what they say personally. If a non-toxic person has negative comments, I try finding the need beneath the feelings they express, and address that.

    I also will insist that any conversation maintains the dignity it deserves.

    I find freedom in knowing that I am NOT what I say, do, or what others think of me. I am a valued child of God, period. My supportive network not only affirms this fact, but undergirds me---emotionally---when I encounter difficult times with others. There is a strength in community that we will not find if we live life solo, without connecting with others.

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    1. I learn from you Pablo. You have so much experience in working with inputs from other people and you know how to wind your way through the maze of intended messages that come along with conversations from others.

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  4. being an architecture major, we are constantly critiqued on our ideas and philosophies of design. the best advice i have ever gotten from a teacher was to 'not become married to your ideas.' teachers and critics are there to help you and guide you, and often point out things that you didn't think of, becuase you just don't have the experience. sometimes they are rude or mean, but you just deal with it. the best way to approach positive comments is with humility, gratitude and modesty, while the negative ones require thick skin with the understanding that a challenge has been brought about to better yourself as a person.

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  5. Negativity is contagious. So is positivity. I surround myself with the latter ;-)

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