Tuesday, 17 June 2014

And the walls came down

We have this habit of protecting ourselves using boundaries to keep us safe. We place blocks at our castle gates and stick firmly to our plan. We think that the barriers prevent negativity or hurt from creeping into our lives, which is absolutely true! However, is there ever opportunity to bend your boundaries to suit a new situation? Maybe you have a needy friend who you have cut off but they really need an ear. Do you stick to your original plan or do you bend and see where it leads? You might save another person from pain, or you could keep your walls up. It's a choice. The only person who sets our boundaries is us, we decide. Evaluate a number of your boundaries. Are they serving you well or do they need a slight adjustment? I have a number of boundaries from being hurt in the past. But I know sometimes the best way to protect a wound is to gently care for it. Give it air, massage the edges and see if healing manifests itself from your willingness to address the issue at hand. Do you set strict boundaries with family or friends? If you do, that's completely ok. This task is an evaluation of boundaries, no need to tear the walls down just yet.


  1. It depends on the "friend." If the person is an emotional vampire, no, I don't lend an ear. This is where character discernment is helpful. Most of us didn't grow up with boundaries.

    Boundaries are never hurtful. Nor are they strict; they are neutral, like a wall, which is a boundary. There are many signs that let us know if someone is safe or unsafe. I believe boundaries are not relative. They exist, whether we acknowledge them or not.

    Without them, we live a life of chaos. The tragic things is that schools, churches and our family train us to not have boundaries. Instead, we are taught to ignore ourselves, that is is being a dutiful or nice person. I disagree.

    With all those I work with, they all need help with asserting their boundaries while being kind and courteous towards others at the same time.

    Hope to see you over at my place soon.

  2. Thank you for sharing this Vanessa. It certainly is an issue that many of us struggle with. I love your blog!!